Do you happen to know somebody who always says: „yes, but...“, or do you perhaps catch yourself saying this phrase sometimes?  At a team meeting to improve the team communication there is a Mr. Negative who begins each sentence with “yes, but…”. Or when you want to spend more time with your loved ones, there is a voice in your head which immediately says “yes, but…I need to work much longer”

“Yes, but…” is like a wall which needs to be taken down. It’s a wall of invented “reasons” and excuses which stand in the way of a solution.

“People who want to do something look for the ways. People who don’t want to do something look for reasons”. (Harald Kostial)

In order to change this stifling habit of thinking and saying “yes, but”, try to replace it by a more constructive phrase “yes, and…”

“Yes, and…” is much more open. It works like an invitation to find a more constructive way. It opens up possibilities for a more positive train of thought.

Just take a look at these two examples:

1. We want to improve the team communication. Yes, but…. we’ll have to begin with changing of  the email etiquette!
2. We want to improve the team communication. Yes, and…. we could begin with changing of the email etiquette!

Which “yes” manifests openness and willingness and which sounds cumbersome and conveys resistance?

Is “yes, but…” even a “yes”?

If you happen to have a different opinion during a discussion, try to avoid saying “yes, but…”. Instead of this simply say “I have a different opinion.” Or:  “How do you imagine this?” to understand better in which direction to continue the discussion.

And in case you should want to know whether I sometimes fall into the “yes, but...” trap as well; the answer is “Yes, and I am doing my best to change this”!

Quotes

Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you believe in what you are doing, then let nothing hold you up in your work. Much of the best work of the world has been done against seeming impossibilities. The thing is to get the work done.

Dale Carnegie

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